Ok, I am soooo going over on my lunch hour…but obviously I am not caring…shhhh, lol
I just need to make a list…of all the things that we did together since the New Year because that is how long it’s been since I’ve discussed our travels and shenanigans.
Like our old lists of tidbits we used to send each other about ourselves when we first were getting to know each other through email, I think it’d be nice to make ‘done’ lists…things we’ve done…some things I may leave out he can add etc etc. I’ve found that I can’t keep it all straight and commenting on everything I want to write down takes so long I often forget the other things I wanted to include…so here it goes in no particular order….
‘Done, since 1/1/2010’ :
-The norms include sharing each part of our days and our thoughts as best friends do, intimate evenings, coffee, cigs and fresh air in the morning with coffee talk, The Office Marathons, numerous daily emails, calls and picture-mail, shopping, eating out, and we profess our undying love for each other on a daily basis whether we are together or apart in the form of words, kisses, touches, glances, and pictures…aww, etc. etc.
-We went to IKEA!!!! OMG my first trip and it was awesome! (we did some shopping for our hope chest, picking up some pots and pans and a duvet cover and sheets….I also got some finger puppets and a beautifully soft fuzzy wish pillow, awww….also, he was quick to fool me and paid for it all….stinker).
-We banter and play with his roomy’s preciously abnormal little girl…she loves the ickiest things little girls shouldn’t like…it’s pretty awesome and she brings many a smile to my face :)
-We shoe shopped! Fun Fun! I haven’t had a good pair of sneaks in yearzzzz….he got me some sharp New Balance shoesies…which were instant healers of knee pain.
-He got the Queen’s parking break unstuck manually…P.I.T.A. On a similar Queen related note, he also got her unstuck from some nasty ice and snow and bloodied up his knees pretty bad in the process. God Love!
-We discussed our wedding, colors, people to invite, places, etc. etc. I quite love that.
-He got sickie and I wasn’t there to take care of him…I didn’t like that much…that will be the only time that happens.
-We of course troll and spot those who make our fashion sense seem like the best in the world, as we are out and about…sounds like we are bad mean people but c’mon, we all do it whether it’s in our own minds or we share it with the ones we love >:)~
-We saw Sherlock Holmes (I slept a lil’ bit during, but the parts I saw were excellent). We also saw Avatar in 3D…soooooooo great, one of my favorites now, 3D or not.
-He had a fa-bu idea to make our V-day pressies for each other from everyday things, etc. etc., meaningful of course, with a $ limit. It is a beautiful and meaningful idea…which really has my wheels turning.
-We talk about music and listen together too, and he schools me quite often and introduces me to new stuff, (that is on the loaded iPod he got me), each week.
-We did a mall walk and came across some kind of great new fangled technology store that everyone knows the name of except for me (I just can’t remember the name..I’ll call it the Awesimo Store). There were some KICK AZZ massagers there and he was sweet enough to test each one on my back, awwww and ahhhhh. A+ to the Awesimo store displays, D for the prices of the massagers.
-We went to the Cheesecake Factory and waited a lovely half hour for one slice of heaven…which we then ate in the Queen because we coudln’t wait!
-We went out with his son again. We had some pizza and good conversation and laughs. I just love the kid…he’s truly a good one to say the very very least. I really enjoy the time we all spend together.
-We contemplated buying a hermit crab…..not.
-We went cell phone shopping for me and I became a little geeky in the process! He is very proud of me, and turned on I think, lol.
-We planned to have him come visit for a week and a halfish for Valentine’s day week which is also his birthday week…I am SOOOOOOOOOO excited!!!!!!!!!!! More to come on that topic!
I am sure I am missing some stuff but those above are what sticks out in my mind at the moment. I must close for the moment as work is noisily in my background forcing its way into my foreground.
I love your guts baby! Forever!
xoxoxo
:*
I haven’t written in awhile for a few reasons. It is quite hard to put ‘the’ most incredible feelings in the universe, into worthy words. More so I have a calm spirit but a racing mind filled with beautiful thoughts of our future. Like the eye of a tornado I am peaceful but for the first time in my life I’m not able to straighten up, organize, and put into words all my thoughts that are whirling around me at 70mph.
Like my perfect man mentioned before, it’s like waiting in great anticipation for Christmas, but it’s only Thanksgiving. This isn’t a bad thing in the least but is most definitely cause for frustration, loss of sleep, and panting, heehee (sounds like a rabid dog….my love for you is like that of a rabid dog…so endearing right? lol).
Anyway, I am calm knowing that soon we will share each day and night together and never be apart again. I am sure of our feelings and ever lasting love. I am sure we will never part. I am sure we will always be happy together and because of each other. Because of these things I am able to contain myself and my tornadoesque thoughts until we are together permanently.
Even though this is a great tornado I can’t wait for the sun to come back out.
I love you….forever.
~Me
I’m deliriously tired, laying in bed listening to My Bloody Valentine’s Loveless for the 20th time in the last few weeks. I love this album and I think it best describes where I’m at right now. The lyrics are so dreamy and almost drowned out by the volume of everything else you really can’t understand them. Bits and pieces here and there, but not whole songs. Much like life for me. I’m very tired and dreamy feeling all the time, and the noise of life seems to drowned me out (almost).
But much like the sheer volume and noise of My Bloody Valentines magnum opus, my life is beautiful. I’ve got this beautiful woman on my side, great family, great friends, and my health. What more is there? Not much.
If I had to complain (and I do), I’d say that not living with my girl is getting me down. Like the frustration of not knowing the words behind the angelic voices on Loveless, I’m frustrated by the distance between she and I. All week, I’ve been counting down the days to my weekend and finally, I’m at my friday. But now that I’m here, I’m thinking… WTF do I do now? Probably laundry, think about my girl, smoke cigarettes, think about my girl, eat, think about my girl, talk to my room mate, talk to my girl, sleep… dream about my girl. You get the point.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d wait a million life times for this woman. But I think knowing I don’t have to wait that long is what’s killing me. In the grand sceme of life, I’ll be living with her MUCH sooner than later. But these thoughts don’t make me not miss her, and think about her every waking moment. Knowing that in 4 or 5 weeks I’ll be with her doesn’t make this weekend not seem like an eternity.
I feel like a little kid waiting on Christmas the week of Thanksgiving. I know that I’m only asking for one present and I’m definitely going to get it, but those weeks in between are so very long. The only difference here is that I’m waiting on receiving a piece of myself. The piece thats been missing since day one and I can’t feel complete without it. When I’m with her, I feel whole. I feel complete. I feel at home. I yearn for that feeling, and hurt without it.
It’s funny because I had this whole thing planned. I was going to draw this big parallell between the love that she and I share and this My Blood Valentine album. That went out the window like 3 paragraphs ago. I just can’t stop writing about how much I love you and miss you. It’s painful.
Being away from you sucks.
I can’t wait till the day I wake up in the morning alone… in bed… for the last time.
I can’t wait for that last time I wake up and not see your gorgeous face.
I can’t wait for the very last morning that I don’t wrap my arms around you and hear your cute little combination sigh/moan as you snuggle into me.
Just like…
I can’t wait for the last night I crawl into a big empty, cold bed, by myself.
I can’t wait for that last sleepless night, dreaming awake about how life will some day be with you.
I can’t wait for the last night I sleep with an article of your clothing, just so I can feel that much closer to you.
Also…
I can’t wait for the last night that I don’t get to kiss you good night.
I can’t wait for the last night I’ll have to hang up the phone after professing my love to you.
I can’t wait for the last night that I don’t look in your eyes and tell you I love you before I go to sleep.
You may find it odd that I’m looking forward to all these things that don’t involve you. But that’s the beauty of it. These things will all happen in one day. And that day, my life changes indelibly. When all these things occur for the last time, at once, my life will become whole. I will be home. I will be with you.
I guess I should have just put this in an email. O’well. You can print this to I guess.
I love you Annie, with every ounce of my being.
Ring or not.
Vows or not.
Man and wife or not.
You Annie, will always be a part of me. As big of a part of me as… me.
I know I’ve said it a million times, but if there were words stronger, or with more meaning, I’d say them… daily. But since there’s not…
I love you.
So, this whole situation is very overwhelming to me lately. To be completely frank, I’m sort of freaking out. Not in a good or a bad way, just… general freaking out. Several reasons, as follows.
First, my late mothers birthday was this past friday. Since Christmas I’ve been thinking about how she’ll never get to meet the love of my life (at least not in this life). It’s very disappointing to me. Saddening actually, very. You see, my mom shares several of the most important personality traits with the love of my life.
1. The silver lining outlook. Both could find a silver lining in being in a plane that crashes into a pile of dog shit. Any and all situations are positive, learning, growing experiences. I consider myself a pretty positive person, but I pale in comparison to these two wonderful women.
2. The telling you exactly whats on their minds, when its on their minds. Both women have the ability to share their thoughts (good or bad… that’s the important part) with you, when they are having them. You don’t realize how important this is until you hear someone “important to you” say… “a week ago when you [insert a gesture or action, good or bad], this is how I felt about it”. Whether good or bad, this is never a good thing to hear. Whether it’s a week, a month, or a year, if your loved one is not telling you how they feel, when they’re feeling it… you’re being slighted to say the least. This has never and will never be a problem with my favorite ladies.
3. The ability to always give the benefit of the doubt. This is a matter that comes down to trust. My mom was always quick to give me leeway (sometimes even against her better judgement) when I was making a decision or was in a questionable situation. For this reason, I always tried my best not to disappoint her. My love is no different. Example: I have some female friends, and my love NEVER questions my intentions with them, even when the female friends might use questionable judgement towards me. This is an incredibly rare trait in people anymore and I love them both dearly for believing in me the way they do (and have).
I could go on here, but you get the point. Both women are incredibly loving, caring and have the strongest moral fiber of any woman I’ve ever known.
Another reason I’m freaking out, I’M GETTING FREAKIN MARRIED IN 306 DAYS!!!!! That seems so far away, but it’s really not. I’ve got just over 300 days to make the love of my life’s dream day… dreamy! That’s a lot of pressure and responsible. Now don’t get me wrong, I know her well enough to know that there are things more important to her than a “dream wedding”. Things like actually marrying the man she loves (me) and making sure that that day is everything that I want it to be. But lets face it, every woman has a mental picture of her wedding day in her mind and don’t want to disappoint her. We have a lot of ideas about what we want it to be. Basically we want to go against every wedding tradition in the book. Everything from the black diamond in her engagement ring, to the clothes we wear on the big day. We want to break all the rules and have this incredibly special day be just that, and more memorable than any other of our lives. But like I said, I’m terrified of disappointing her, or even worse, her regretting a decision that we made (or a decision that originated as an idea I had).
Then there’s… freaked out about the proposal, planning, wedding situation is familiar to me, as I’ve been married previously. Believe me, I’ll be the first to tell you that they are very very different situations (relationship wise). But I can’t help but think about things, it is natural. I hesitate bringing it up, but since it is something I’m thinking about and feeling, I’m compelled to put it out there.
The bottom line is this: I got hurt, real bad. I know there was a silver lining, I have my little honeysuckle now, and she is the most incredible woman a guy could ever ask for. But that doesn’t necessarily completely wash away the pain of having your heart kicked in the balls. I really can’t explain what I’m feeling. I know my little honeysuckle would never in a million years do anything to hurt me, much less leave me. But everyday lately I have this ridiculous urge to just tell her “you are NOT ALLOWED TO BREAK UP WITH ME!!!!!!”. I love this woman so much, and over such a short amount of time she’s become such an essential part of my being that I couldn’t imagine life without her. I swear I seriously panic at the thought of being without her.
Lastly, what freaks me out the most is… This IS real. Like, this is really happening. I was thinking about this the other day: (and this is only given the brief amount of time we’ve been together) If I were in a relationship with anyone else in the world, they would think I was completely and totally psycho for feeling and saying and doing the things I do for her. The same would go for her. If she said or did or felt the same things for any other man on earth, they would think she’s out of her mind. Now that, is a huge reality check for me. That thought alone is proof that we were really meant to be together. Period.
So yeah, I’m allllll full of emotion lately. And you know, at the end of the day the one factor that is most overwhelming is I just miss her so much all the time. She’s such a part of me that I just don’t feel like myself without her.
I love you.
(sorry for any spelling/grammar errors, I’m typing this at work which is a HUGE no-no)
We spent a fun fun New Year’s Eve together at the local casino, (we don’t have a gambling problem I swear, and yes that sounds like denial but he keeps me in check, lol). It was soooooo crowded but at times it was like we were the only two there, he just does that to me. We even got to see the tippy tops of the fireworks in the city, heehee. We wore generic fancy paper and plastic New Year’s hats and he even ‘hatted’ a stranger, (I still owe him $2.99 for that), it was a blast!.
The best was the kiss. 2010 is the first year I began with the love of my life. It was deep to think about, exciting, and exhilarating knowing this is just the beginning and the first of many ‘New Years” to come where we’ll be together. I gave him his ‘manly’ engagement piece of jewelry because I thought that was the most appropriate and meaningful time to present it ,(since I did not bring it the weekend before because I never thought in a million years he’d propose then, heehee, BUT SO HAPPY HE DID!).
We had just a perfect weekend, (dont’ we always), (are my parenthasis annoying you yet?). The following day we shopped at IKEA. It was my first trip and O.M.G. I could live there! We got a bit lost at one point. It was spectacular, and we picked up a few things for our giant hope chest and he bought me a fuzzy wish pillow, very meaningful and SUPER comfy! It was just so wonderful shopping for our future home, ‘our’ future home, yayyyyyy! Even better is that we have the same great taste in just about everything, ;) we’re gonna have a sharp pad.
The next day we had a great great great visit with his son. Can’t beat pizza and a movie and some fa-bu catching up and kibitzing. He’s such an amazing put together intelligent and personable, mannerly young man. Says a lot about his father…says a lot about my choice in hubbies :) I did pretty good, huh? lol
We had nice little visits with my love’s roomie and his precious daughter too. I always have a blast when I visit my fiance, (nice),…he doesn’t surround himself with many people in a constant way and I realize it’s because he has good good ones in his life and who needs more! Just as I have a handful of very close people in my life aside from my family. Anyway, I stray and digress,…we spent a nice quiet evening in bed watching one of our favorite tv shows and simply fell asleep together.
I sit here at home now all cozy watching some tv, curled in my blankies, resting on my fuzzy wish pillow, have some candles lit, watching my furry babies sleeping, and really wishing he was here. He will be soon though. That keeps me going through the times we’re apart. We won’t be apart much longer.
Once we aren’t apart any longer, life couldn’t possibly get any better.
xoxoxo
I wasn’t planning on visiting him the weekend of Christmas but it turned out we both had Saturday free at the last minute so I decided to take a road trip to see my love!
We were on the porch that evening having a smoke and he was gingerly telling me a story of a conversation he had with a friend the day prior. Without missing a beat or even having a second chance to realize what he was about to reveal, he said he told his friend, “Well I am, going to propose on New Year’s”. :O My mouth dropped and his eyes closed and his head dropped down and he realized he just let the cat of the bag to the one person he was keeping this from. (But how exciting for me !! haha!).
He was quite upset about the whole thing because he had some major plans to make that moment just right. (Of course, any moment would have been ‘just right’ because it would be ‘him’ asking me). I told him I’d forget I heard anything… he definitely didn’t jump on that bandwagon, lol.
We decided to go to the nearby casino to let off some steam and have some fun together, which we did of course. On our way home he asked if I’d like to go the scenic route, to which I said, surely :)
The scenic route in city language means something totally different than it does in rural language because the scenic views we had that night were of the lit up city as opposed to cows and a few houses with Christmas lights in my town. I enjoyed it quite a bit. We parked in a large parking area for some local clubs, which were hoppin’ btw (clubs now-a-days are looking more and more like upper class brothels, ::shivers:: I was most definitely overdressed in the sense ‘pieces of clothing’ not formal versus casual lol but we were just passing through). We ended up taking a late night midnight trip on an incline to a better view of the city on the clear evening that it was.
I was a touristy dork with my camera taking pictures of the gorgeous view and as the viewing deck emptied we were the only ones remaining. He pointed out a beautiful pattern of lights and as I turned back to give him a kiss he turned into Houdini. I was under his left arm giving him a half hug and with his right hand he had a box which he opened, revealing the perfect ring (and not just any box I later found out, it was the ring box his grandfather used to hold the ring he proposed to his grandmother). And you guessed it, he asked me to be his wife, saying even though it wasn’t how he originally planned he felt this was just as perfect of a moment than any to ask me to be his wife. I squeaked and said YES many times between kisses and hugs and squeaked some more.
It was so perfect…just thinking about it brings a happy tear to my eye and takes my breath away. That feeling only grows with each day. Luckily the touristy dork in me came in handy that evening because I captured every breath taking moment of ‘our’ night, Dec. 27th 2009.
I love you my sweet fiance.
So, I found it in me to drag my sick, tired, and caffeine/nicotine deprived ass out of bed. Now you’ll have to bear with me, i’m on a strickt diet of antibiotics, ibuprofen, Musinex and the sweet sweet sounds of The Cardigans. My writing might get a little squirrelly.
I’m sure you’re wondering why I named the post “the last Christmas”. It is the last Christmas… The last Christmas I stay home alone… I’m lonely… I work… and most of all, this is the last Christmas I’m away from my woman. It’s quite literally torturous. Time is standing still, and I can sleep anymore (18 hours yesterday caught up with me). It’s almost like I’m afraid to talk to her out of the fear it’ll only make the situation worse. Bah!!!! I hate this!!!! Soon though, I’ll look back on these times fondly (I don’t know why I would, but that’s what “they” say, and I’m fairly sure “they” are full of shit). But enough of the negative.
As you read in her last post, we had a really stellar couple of weekends. Last weekend though, she gave me my Christmas gifts. First was tripod for my camera, which was needed (I actually said something about it a couple of weeks ago and she caught it… so sweet that little woman of mine). The other gift was un-friggin-believable. It was a binder, and in it was every email we exchanged up to this point in our relationship. It was absolutely amazing. Going back through them and revisiting how we felt at that time, and what we were feeling… and maybe not telling each other… Yeah, it’s incredible. I’ve never received a more heartfelt gift in 35 years of life.
It just goes to show you how astounding she is. While everyone is shuffling around to buy the ones they love the perfect gift, spending a fortune, pulling their hair out in traffic, and generally stressing the December 25th deadline, she just sits at home in the comfort of her home and makes the most amazing gift I’ve ever received. Even me! I wanted to make her Christmas special, and the best I could do had a bunch of dollar signs attached to it. I don’t know how to verbalize what I’m thinking and feeling. She just never ceases to amaze me.
I really don’t know where I was going with this post. But I do know that love this woman more than I ever thought possible to love someone. It’s seriously frustrating sometimes finding the words to tell her how much I love her. There should be a special set of words or a secret hand shake or something that you get to learn when God KNOWS you’re this in love. I feel like when I say “I Love You”, I’m selling myself, my love, and her short. She’s such an amazing woman that she deserves something more grand than the “I Love You” that people use (and misuse) so frequently.
Theres something out there I think, I just gotta find it. Until I do…
I love you!!!!!
It’s 12:12am on Christmas day. I really have nothing specific to write about but I am overcome by the need to write and share some of these amazing feelings I am feeling.
I am just so damn thankful for him. He is my true love as you know by now and it does kill me to be away from him on any day, not just the holidays. I did mention to him earlier that even though we have to be apart on the actual day of Christmas, I’ve never been happier or more filled with love because of him. That is the good stuff, feeling love and happiness because of someone even when you aren’t near. I can only imagine how amazing each day will be when we are able to be with each other each day and night. To be able to fall asleep with his arms wrapped around me and wake up with our noses touching will be the highlight of my life.
We celebrated our Christmas last weekend since we could not be together this weekend. Let me tell you, spending time in any way with this man is the best time spent. He took me on a shopping spree for clothes which he knew I really needed, (I suppose I can’t wear stretchy pants forever, lol). In short he truly treats me like a princess in every way, even when we are together ‘just being’, and I realize that he doesn’t do this just on special occasions, he does this all the time because it is who he is because I am who I am, and vise versa. Little gestures and big, nothing is expected from the other besides love but we do treat each other this way without thinking because it brings us happiness to make the other happy. He will always be my prince and I will always make sure he knows that, and I know he will do the same for me without even thinking twice. We have unwavering and infinate gratitude, appreciation and love for one another.
For my birthday, which was not long ago, he gave me the most personal and meaningful gift I’ve ever received. Music. It is so meaningful because he gave me his library, so we now share the same music, not to mention he put it all on a shiny new iPod, O.M.G., heehee. He chose the first song for me to listen to and it was just perfection, as he is. It basically told of how he would always be there/here for me in every way. It was precious and yes I teared up and just sunk into him while I listened. I am actually tearing up now thinking about it. What a special moment created by such a special person. The world is lucky to have him in it as I am the luckiest and so thankful in having him as my lover, best friend, and partner in life and husband to be, in the near future.
I wanted to share some things he wrote to me over the past couple of days but my phone requires a daily cleansing, boooo, and I just realized I do not have his texts any longer. He said something so profound, and so meaningful. It was THE MOST amazing and powerful statement anyone has made with me in mind. He said something like, “If I were to thank you a million times a day for the rest of my life, it still wouldn’t do justice to the amount of gratitude and appreciation I feel for you”. Isn’t that just amazing?!? It blew me away and left me speechless and breathless.
We shared an awesome conversation last night as well. During, we shared that one of our most treasured moments together was of us ‘just being’ while at my apt. one day. He was just fiddling on his computer and I was doing my own thing on the couch and we’d banter here and there, and I eventually drifted off into a nap. It was just a precious and comfortable moment. The best moments are when you’re with the one you love and there is nothing to do except ‘be’ together. I love that we appreciate the same moments…just another ‘check’ on the proverbial list of reasons why we are soul mates. We also agreed that conversation was another one of ‘those’ treasured moments. He gets me and I get him. We can, and do, share everything with one another, and the best thing is we ‘want’ to, and enjoy it. He truly is my best friend and love of my life.
I’ve skipped around quite a bit with this particular writing because I began not knowing what I was going to write but knew I wanted and needed to write. I am just bursting with fantastical feelings! I miss him and love him. Even though I love writing, words just don’t do him, and our amazing loving relationship, justice.
Merry Christmas!
Thank you…
I love and miss you dearly!
It’s been a minute since I’ve posted anything. Life intervenes I guess. Long hours at work, seeing friends, seeing my lady, and everything thing else life entales. But I’ve still never been more in love than I am right now. Several reasons why.
1. My love is wonderful. She never ceases to amaze me with her beauty and her amazingly kind heart. Example: She sent me this little picture the other day. It was her at work. Had the headset on and the whole shabang. She had the cutest little smurk on her face and… Just made choke up to think that she’s all mine.
Aside from that she tells me she loves me a million times a day and it NEVER gets old. In fact, I melt every time.
2. She is easily the most sensual woman on the face of the earth. She knows exactly what to do and say to set the mood. I can’t explain it, I guess we just understand each other really, really well.
3. Her family is so great. They are the most caring and welcoming people I have ever met in my life. It doesn’t surprise me that she is the way she is after meeting them. I would expect no less. They’ve welcomed me into their lives and hearts with open arms. This has never happened to me before, and it’s a really special feeling. I look forward to a long happy life with them almost as much as my love.
4. She laughs. Oh god she laughs. As I mentioned above, work has been hectic for me as of late. It never fails, right when I think i’m ending the worst day yet, I talk to her and hear her laugh. Whether I induce the laugh, or something going on in her life… oh man that laugh… When my little honeysuckle laughs, the clouds part, the birds sing, and sun shines, even on the darkest of days. I couldn’t fathom a day without the aural euphoria that is loves laughter.
5. Lastly, my lady is happy. She takes life as it comes and knows any possible problem or inconvenience is only temporary. Most things in life come and go (money, work, problems, even friends sometimes, to name a few). The few things in life that stick around are the things that matter. Love, family, and living life to the fullest are things that should be a constant in our lives. They are with her. My love is the perpetual optimist and that’s such an incredibly rare trait to find in someone. I feel incredibly blessed to have her for this reason and countless others.
In closing, is being a part taking its toll on us? It’s rough, but the light at the end of the tunnel is so brilliantly bright it dwarfs any conceivable negativity between here and there.
I love you my little honeysuckle, my soulmate, my lover, my partner in life…. my best friend
